New Year’s Resolutions?

Now that 2012 is in full swing, the college bowl games are in high gear, and those of you who had a “rough” New Year’s Eve have recovered enough to return to work, normalcy has somewhat returned in our lives.

Traditionally, as the New Year ushers in new and fresh opportunities, the New Year also brings with it the customary “New Year’s Resolutions”.  Americans seem to have this, sometimes flawed, idea that each year you must complete a self inventory.  Once that you have completed this self inventory, then it is customary to figure out how you are going to remedy all those deficiencies that were noted in that self inventory.  Therein lies the idea that since this is now the new year, I can/should make some changes in my life to make the forthcoming year a better year, ie., my “New Year’s Resolutions”.

In my almost 61 years, I have heard literally hundreds of “New Year’s Resolutions” that friends, family, and yes, even my self have made.  Those resolutions have run the gamut from losing weight, to becoming more productive, to treating my significant other with more respect, to being a better parent/grand-parent, to being more organized, to stop or reduce the amount of alcohol consumption, and how about this one for all you smokers, to quit smoking!  If you can think of a personal fault or a short-coming, then someone has decided to change that via their “New Year’s Resolution”!

Now let’s all be honest with ourselves, change in our lives really only comes when we convince ourselves, our brains, that I am ready, willing, and able to make myself change!

Conversely, if you are not ready, willing, and able to make those changes, then failure is most certainly in your future.  That is to say, if you have not firmly convinced yourself that on a specific date and time you are going to make a concerted effort to change, whatever behavior that is in question, you will not be successful at the noted change!

In fact, research has shown that 85% of all “New Year’s Resolutions” fail!  That is an overwhelming huge failure rate!  Why is this failure rate so high for the “New Year’s Resolutions”?

Could it be that the “New Year’s Resolutions” people make, are made without sincerity, without conviction, are somewhat frivolous, and thus, are doomed to fail from the very beginning?   You be the judge.

Whatever the reasoning is behind the astronomically high 85% failure rate, the obvious fact is that people are not very serious about succeeding when it comes to their “New Year’s Resolutions”!  So for all who have made their 2012 “New Year’s Resolutions” known to friends and family, my suggestion is that we all go out and buy a big old black crow at your favorite crow store!

Why buy crow you ask?

Simply put, before very long we will all fail to accomplish part or all of our “New Year’s Resolutions” made just a few days ago!  Therefore the logic follows, if you have already bought your crow, you can avoid the rush, and the extremely long lines at “the crow store”.  By avoiding the long lines to purchase your crow at “the crow store”, you can save time by simply whipping out your crow.  Once you have whipped out the old crow, you can sit down at the dinner table, tear off a big ol piece of your favorite part of that bird, and “eat a big old bunch of crow”!!  YUM!

In fact why delay?  If you are not extremely serious about fulfilling your “New Year’s Resolutions”, fire up the grill immediately so that you can eat your crow right away and be done with it!  That will put you far ahead of the other losers who will fail to accomplish their “New Year’s Resolutions” tomorrow, next week, or next month!

PS  From past experience, it has been observed that marinating your crow for at least 48 hours, in either some Pappy’s or Montreal Steak Seasoning, will help.  However, the crow will not be any better tasting, only just a little bit more palatable, and less toxic!

ROGER, WILCO, OVER, AND OUT!