(photo courtesy of Leon Hammack)

This morning I got up from my hotel bed and decided to head on out on the streets of Manhattan to grab some breakfast.  As I got out of my hotel on the corner of 32nd St and Broadway, I yielded to fast movers, then merged in with the foot traffic.

I made my mind up to go get myself a fresh, hot New York bagel.  So I headed up Broadway to the corner of 35th St. and Broadway to one of my favorite places in this part of Manhattan, The Metro Cafe.  As I crowded into the cafe, I was delighted to hear the New Yorkers bantering with each other, as only they can do!

I ordered up a  toasted cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese, YUM!  Once I received my “treasure trove” I headed over to the cashier to pay.  The 20 something Puerto Rican girl working the cash register mumbled something to me that I couldn’t understand.  I asked her to repeat what she said.  Again I couldn’t understand what she was saying.  I said,”Huh?”  Finally I understood that she was saying my bagel was going to cost me $2.68!  I just then realized that I have been gone too long from New York City, and have lost my ability to discern “New Yorkese”!! ( I left New York City on Memorial Day Weekend 1982.)

Walking back to my hotel room after breakfast, I realized that the sidewalks of Manhattan are very similar to a restrictor plate race at either Daytona or Talladega!!  As I exited the cafe, I had to find a hole in the foot traffic and stick my nose into it.  Next I had to determine just which of the lines were moving , verses stagnating.   So I quickly looked to my left and “whipped” out into that lane and tucked into a good “drafting position” on this heavy guy.

Having a very good knowledge of aerodynamics, after all I am an airline pilot, I knew that the 300 lb dude in front of me would bust a big hole in the air!  Once I was established in the lane I started looking for a new and faster drafting partner.  I slipped in behind this rather fast looking female that had a burst of speed as she passed me on the sidewalk.  Again I tucked in really tight for a few steps and with a huge burst of speed, I blew right by her and caught the green pedestrian light at 33rd and Broadway!

Now just one block away from my hotel, I got “up on the wheel”, I “mashed the loud pedal”, I increased my walking speed!!  Just as I got to the corner of 32nd St. and Broadway, I noticed this little old lady making a run on me on the inside, so I pulled a Carl Edwards and moved down to block her.  She didn’t get out of the gas and before I knew it, she had punted me and it was all I could do to keep from collecting up the other pedestrians into a huge sidewalk crash!  WHEW!!

After I got inside my hotel, I surveyed the damage.  All I got was a doughnut on my right side tennis shoe from her high heel!!  So as ol DW ( Darrell Waltrip) says, “it is success if you can drive it into the hauler”!  I made it back to my hotel without a major disaster!

TIL NEXT TIME, I AM STILL WORKING ON MY REDNECK!