I Need Presidential Help!


The White House (photo courtesy Leon Hammack)

Dear Mr. President;

Dude, it is Monday morning on the island of Kauai.  The Martinsville NASCAR race was postponed Sunday because of rain all up and down the East Coast.  The race was scheduled for the Green Flag to fall at 12 noon EDT, 6am Hawaiian time on FOX.

Well I set my alarm for 5:50 am so that I can get up and be prepared for the beatin’ and bangin’ that ocur at this track.  Well I find the FOX affiliate channel on my hotel TV only to find that these clowns in Hawaii are not showing the race on the live feed!

Oooohhhh nnnnoooo, it is much more important to show the cackameme “Morning in Hawaii Show” on FOX.  Who gives a Rats Butt about the morning traffic on H1, or at Punch Bowl, or at the Ala Moana shopping center!  Do I care about the lack of rain on the Islands or do I need to know that the “trade winds” will be decreasing over the next few day?  Absolutely NOT!

Now FOX is showing “Live with Regis and Kelly”.  Come on are these two programs more important than a good quality redneck broadcast of NASCAR at Martinsville?? Are the programmers for real?  Who are they kidding?

This is the second time that I have had NASCAR withdrawals at this hotel!  Last summer the Kauai Marriott hotel had trouble with their satellite provider and I could not get ESPN on the TV for a race.  To say that I had a “Chapped Butt” last summer was an understatement!  Now to be forced to watch “Live with Regis and Kelly”, instead of NASCAR from Martinsville, I am now feeling the need once again for my Boudreaux’s Butt Paste!

Dude, is there any influence that you, the chick that is the Speaker of the House or that other Dude in the Senate, Harry Reid, could exert with Rupert Murdoch, owner of FOX, to get the switch flipped so that I can please see the remaining part of the NASCAR race from Martinsville?  Dude, it important to me that I am able to watch the race!  Dude, can you help me out?