The Day Of Reckoning

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Kindergarden photo 1956

When we last gathered here I was relaying the story of my surgery being postponed because I had developed a UTI and the surgeon delayed the surgery so that I could get over that infection. What a huge emotional letdown that was, but it was much better that way than what could have been the alternative.

It is now the morning of December 16th and it is time, once again, to head over to La Jolla a day ahead of my scheduled aortic valve replacement surgery. This time Edie cannot come along because she had some medical appointments that she could not miss. No, this time it was just Jim and yours truly in my hot rod heading westbound through the desert to the Pacific Ocean! The other two brothers, with spouses with spouses in tow, and Jason (Jeremy was sick and I told him to stay home) were also heading to La Jolla to try this surgery support thing one more time.

This time, just like a finely choreographed dance movement, the four cars all arrived at the hotel within a few minutes of each other for checkin. We all took a few minutes to greet and hug each other. It sure made me feel a little more at ease to have my immediate family, once again, there for moral support.

We signed in at the front desk, exchanged pleasantries with the hotel owner, Maureen, unloaded our baggage into our respective rooms, and met back at the hotel office. Once we were all present, we headed down, once again to the taco joint, Puestos. It was a unanimous vote! Everyone was excited to get some more of those fabulous tacos there.

Following dinner we all adjourned to our respective rooms in preparation for my surgery in the morning at 8am. I pulled out the letters that I had written to my brothers and my son that were in envelopes. I instructed Jason to hand these out to my brothers for them to read while I was in surgery. He, Jason, also had a letter from me as well. I had decided a week prior to going to La Jolla for the first attempt at surgery that I wanted to express to each of my loved ones my inner most feelings, just in case the outcome of this surgery was less than the desired results.

In between this trip to San Diego and the last attempt at surgery I had completed the Power of Attorney forms so that Jason could make all the necessary decisions, if needed. I handed them to him in our hotel room and gave him a few instructions. I don’t think that it fully sunk into his head what this Power of Attorney means! It will strike him when they roll me down that long hallway for surgery, I will bet!

Prior to lights out in my room I receive a phone call from a phone number not listed in my phone and I debated on whether to answer that call. But it was an 858 area code and that was the area code for La Jolla. So I thought that I should take this call and not let it go to voice mail. I am very glad that I took the call because it was from my surgeon, Dr. Tyner. When I heard his voice I knew that something was up. He said that there was an opening in the surgery schedule slightly earlier in the morning and he would like for the surgery to occur during that time slot. Could I get to the hospital at 5am for a 7am surgery? I replied in the affirmative that I could be there at that time. So now I have three less hours of time til the show gets on the road. I notified everyone that I must be at the hospital at 5am, so we all set our alarms appropriately so that we could caravan over to Scripps.

So now it is time to go lights out and get some all important sleep before the big show happens bright and early in the morning!

The 3am wakeup call and alarm arrived within a blink of an eye, my friend! My routine began with shaving and taking a shower with this extremely strong ant-bacterial soap, just like the one I took just prior to climbing in the rack and grabbing some really valuable shut-eye.

I was trying to be a quiet as I could be so that Jason could sleep til I woke him up for the drive to the hospital. As I stepped into the shower a million thoughts ran through my mind. First and foremost was the thought of “yep this thing is really gonna happen”! Then I started thinking about what was really going to take place in that surgery room in about three hours. My heart began racing at supersonic speeds, my knees began to quiver, my mind was racing like a top fuel dragster, and the emotional flood gate opened up big time! Once again, my hair was on fire and I was having a hard time keeping it together in the shower. Thank God I was all by myself in there and nobody could see or hear what I was dealing with! I have to appear to have it together this morning and be fearless. Don’t let Jason and my brothers know that I am scared SHITLESS!! Put on your Pilot’s face Captain Blowdri…….do not let them see you sweat!

I was thinking just please just tell me when it’s over!

I drove the car with Jim and Jason along over to Scripps, which was quick and uneventful. THANK GOD!

Walking into the hospital I had another round of knees quivering and again the emotional rollercoaster had just left the loading station! As I rounded the corner and saw the receptionists desk where I needed to sign in, the emotional rollercoaster reached that first high peak, was now rocketing downhill, and my mind was having a hard time staying fixated on the paperwork that I was filling out!

As I finished the paperwork and walked over to where my family was seated the emotional rollercoaster subsided, at least temporarily.

Within about ten (10) minutes of completing the paperwork I was called back to begin the surgery prep. When that happened the ol body became overrun with the jitters. It was getting closer to a reality, this open heart surgery thing.

It took about 15-20 minutes to get me all prepped up for surgery. I stripped down to the ol birthday suit and slipped on that designer hospital gown that conveniently gives everyone a nice view of the ol flat saggy butt! At this point I really could care that, if I moved too quickly, I would be photographing the entire nurses station this morning. The unmistaken fact is that, unless they all had binoculars or a telescope they couldn’t see a thing. As George Costanza from Seinfeld so aptly put it……shrinkage was in affect this morning!

My brothers came in to talk with me and lend their support and express their love. Jerry and Sue came in and we prayed for my surgery to be successful and for my quick and complete recovery. When Jason came in I could tell in his eyes that he had grabbed the gravity of this event and appeared to be moved. Again, I expressed a few of my thoughts and requests to him. I told him to deliver the letters to the brothers once they rolled me down the hallway.

Shortly after I got those items off of my chest to Jason the surgical nurses came into my room and announced to me and Jason that “it is showtime”! I wanted to crawl out of that bed and slither out of that hospital, but I also knew that I have to have this procedure done if I want to live to a ripe old age. Jason squeezed my hand, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and told me that he loved me. It was extremely difficult for me to keep it together as they rolled me out of the room! I kept thinking don’t let him see that you are falling apart. You are the dad, be tough, be strong!

The ride down that hallway to the OR seemed to take an eternity. It was enough time for me to see my entire 68 years run by in my head. Along the route there was a left turn, then a right turn, and then we stopped in front a set of double doors. I think that this is where “the show” will be happening.

One of the nurses hit the button that opens up those doors to reveal this well lit, high tech, surgical room where I will spend the next 5 or 6 hours this morning. It was a busy hub of activity with 5 or 6 surgical nurses at their workstations preparing for my surgery. Once my two bed chauffeurs got me transferred onto that extremely narrow and highly uncomfortable surgical table, the process for me began.

The two that brought me into the surgery room began to attach all kinds of electric probes to my upper torso. They were very professional, but had a great sense of humor. I think that they could feel that I was petrified. So, they kept up the levity as they were doing their job.

Then something happened that I have never seen before. I have had a few surgeries in my day but this team was really unique. One by one each of the surgical team stopped what they were doing, walked over next to me, put their hand on my shoulder, introduced themselves to me, and explained their role in the surgery. The very last one to come over was the guy who was behind the big machine to my right. His name was Matt and he had the single largest impact on me.

He said, “Mr. Hammack my name is Matt. Do you see that big machine over there? That is the heart/lung machine and I will own you for the next 5 or 6 hours. I promise you that I will take very good care of you!”

WOW!!! That blew me completely away. I was astounded!

Now that the introductions were made they all went back to their workstations. I could tell that the preparations were rapidly coming to a conclusion. The anesthetist had arrived on scene and talked and comforted me as well. He said that he was giving me some thing to relax me a little. My two bed jockeys asked me if I would like to listen to some music while they were finishing up prepping me? Quickly I remember Dr. Tyner stating that he doesn’t allow any “noise” during the surgery. I said that I would like to listen to some music. I was asked what would be my pleasure? I replied do you have any Eagles tunes? Like magic my absolute favorite Eagles tune comes over the sound system…….. Hotel California!!!

How did they know?

Somewhere about halfway through this 6:36 classic rock and roll tune, before the Don Felder/Joe Walsh classic guitar solo, the anesthetist said to me, Good Night Mr. Hammack! With that announcement the curtain was beginning to fall and I didn’t get to hear the best part of the song……the guitar solo!

As my body began to tingle and I knew that the light switch was about to be thrown, my last thoughts before I greased on another landing in “Happy Valley ” was……..

Just let me know when this is over!

This saga continues.

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